While I’m not big on New Year resolutions; it is an excellent time to reflect and think about the year that was. When I began this blog last April, I didn’t know how it would evolve. I have a lot of varied interests, most of which don’t overlap, so it is hard to build a blog around them. As the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, I have an exciting work life, but it is also chaotic and stressful. I wanted a blog separate from all that turmoil, concentrated on more positive features. While I like to travel, outside an outstanding trip to Spain, I curtailed my normal travel schedule to deal with issues anchoring me close to home. And hovering over all those elements of my life was a persistent and pervasive fog of depression and anxiety which dominated much of my year.
I haven’t been writing a lot the last few weeks. With my job, this time of year is tough. I have to prepare my business for end-of-year taxes, so I get to huddle with the company bean-counters a lot the past few weeks. My partners and I also review the year and decide about bonuses, distributions, and next year’s budgets. Throw in the obligatory holiday events, vendor meetings and even personal holiday duties, I’ve had little time to write.
When I first started this blog 7 months ago, I had a simple goal. I wanted to learn how to write again. Over the years I’d noticed my writing had turned banal and repetitive. Most of what I wrote was for work, but even then I saw no reason I shouldn’t be able to make my prose cleaner and concise.
I haven’t written anything in a while, the “muse” just hasn’t been there. I recognize that is exactly the wrong way to write consistently. Best practice is to sit down with a pen and paper every day, the muse be damned! But for me, this endeavor is not a passion, or a livelihood, or really even a hobby right now. It is an experiment.
I haven’t been writing a lot lately. There is so much chaos in the world I can’t see the point. I’m struggling to say something with any value or meaning. I’m afraid I’m losing hope. Hope that we even want to have a discourse any longer.
People sometimes ask me what my blog site is about. My answer is always the same. “Me”. I am under no illusions I write great prose. I don’t believe most of my posts are about anything interesting or noteworthy. In fact, most are crap. But that’s OK. Most of us don’t lead noteworthy or adventurous lives. I’m no different.