Blog posts have been few and far between the last few weeks. I have been stuck in the “January Doldrums,” that Bermuda Triangle time period between New Years Day and the “ides” of January. It is a fortnight of “dull,” a two-week long hangover from the holidays. The color and beauty of the holidays are over, and the only reminders of joyous December are the 6 pounds of new “me” hanging over my belt buckle and Aunt Edna’s fruitcake (no, not Uncle Bob). This immortal “confectionery” made it another year uneaten and is now eligible for AARP, and as well as joining cockroaches and Cher as the only things able to survive a nuclear holocaust.
Has anyone ever noticed that with the clock striking midnight on December 31st, the weather immediately turns nasty? Gone are the dreams of a “White Christmas”; replaced by a Siberian cold that would make a penguin shiver and wind chills temperature down into the negatives, just like my post-holiday checking account.
Meanwhile, I arrive back at work after the holiday break with as much excitement as a cat at a chihuahua convention (with the same amount of hissing). Everyone in the office looks like they just got back from being Zombie extras from The Walking Dead”. Luckily for me, I have no brain cells left after the holidays, so I am the zombie diet equivalent of “tofu.”
I broke all my New Year Resolutions by 9:08 am on the 1st, which pissed my wife off because Resolution #2 was “Don’t fall asleep in bed with a glass of red wine watching the Ball drop this year.” Of course, Resolution #1 was “Don’t piss my wife off and start 2018 in the Doghouse”. My new Resolution #3: “Don’t get fleas.” Sigh.
Is it spring yet?