I’m in a quandary about what to do about this blog. I started it to learn how to express myself. By nature, I am a private person, so learning to say what was on my mind in a clear and concise manner is difficult for me. It was also a tool to help me deal with my depressive episodes. I still enjoy it, but my recent projects have taken me away from it so I haven’t been posting lately.
I also wonder about the future of blogging. As I look around everything is podcasts and YouTube videos. Those forms of communication are not for me. If you think I suck at writing, try me in front of a camera. As the old saying goes, I have a face built for radio!
And as I review my posts from the year ending, I recognize there is no central theme or concept to attract readers. I’ve never cared about attracting followers, but speaking to an empty room doesn’t interest me either. It seems like a waste of time.
While I’ve always enjoyed having varied interests, it makes my site disjointed and chaotic. I’m a wine-drinking gaming geek CEO. I’m the Frankenstein monster of interests. And in the past few
I’ve thought about spinning up sites dedicated to these different interests. But as little as I add content to this site, trying to feed 3 or 4 more sites makes little sense.
So I’m stuck.
For the coming year, I plan on adding my initial attempts at photography to this site. I’ve also built the framework for it, all I need now is to snap pictures for content. I also will lessen my gaming posts here. While I initially wanted to show I was writing, it is a specialized topic which only interests a few dedicated fellow crazies. Besides, my gaming buddies might find out I have a blog. (No, I haven’t told them. Nor does my family or anyone in my company know. I am the KING of compartmentalization!)
I might also add in a micro-blog sidebar for personal musings, thoughts and occasional rants I might have. This site had that in the past, but as detailed above, I struggle with expressing myself. But then again w
So there you go, a meandering post about my blogging internal conflicts and plans for 2019. Don’t you feel you just wasted 5 minutes of your life you will never get back!?!
“I see a lot of fog and a few lights. I like it when life’s hidden. It gives you a chance to imagine nice things, nicer than they are.” — Ben Hecht
One of the many joys of having dogs is waking up and taking them out first thing in the morning. This day we enjoyed a quiet walk in the fog and misty rain. I’ve always enjoyed this weather. It adds a sense of calm and serenity to our surroundings. Noise disappears in the mist, and as we walk along, it even silences the crunch of dry leaves beneath our feet.
I was talking to one of my fellow wine-lover friends a couple of months back, and she was raving about a California Red Blend called Orin Swift Machete. She said it was one of the best wines she has ever had. Knowing her taste palate tends to bold, in-your-face wines. Realizing my wife likes the same wine style, I bought a few bottles.
We burst out of the tunnel under the town’s keep (well, more accurately, Chazz burst out of the tunnel), scaring two guards posted there half to death. They challenged us, but Pebbles, the town’s gnome cleric, interceded on our behalf.
We headed to talk to the governor on the top of the keep’s tower. Along the way, we ran into Gillam Brandhoft, who asked us to rescue his two sons. It appears the attacking cultists cut them off from the safety of the keep and were hiding in the warehouses. We promised we would look into it, but the “safety” of the keep was rather suspect at the moment. We headed up to talk to Governor Nighthill. He thanked us for the rescue of the civilians but immediately requested we protect the castle walls. The urds (flying kobolds) had disabled all the ballistae, and the dragon was flying unimpeded over Greenest.
Repair the Ballista
With Barton staying the top of the keep’s tower, our plan was to cover Magnus as he used a mending spell to fix a ballista. Urds came flying in to sabotage the repairs, but Barton, Chazz and I kept them at bay. Two urds flew to the top of the tower to engage Barton, but he fended them off. Once we repaired the ballista, we decided it was time to face the dragon (or more accurately, Chazz decided it was time to face the dragon). He climbed down the castle walls and hurled insults until the dragon appeared. Then, the ballista, Barton and I all struck the blue dragon with missile fire. While the dragon survived the attacks, He howled at the wounds and flew off in anger. I have a feeling we have not seen the last of that drake.
Enemy at the Gates
The next crisis was a battering ram on the front gates. We moved quickly down that way while Magnus sheared off to deal with the injuries to the guards and townspeople. As the battle began at the gate, an aptly named ambush drake attacked me and damned near killed me. On the other side, Barton engaged both the battering ram shield bearers and the enemy archers providing covering fire. Chazz jumped ON the battering ram (he seems to have an aversion to the protection of the keep walls). Between Barton and Chazz, they beat back the ram and routed the shield bearers, completing blunting the assault.
Looking for a Talker
Escobert (keep steward) and the Governor wanted a prisoner to interrogate, so off we went. Barton and I covered as Chazz cased a house. An attack from a small hovel behind Chazz enraged him, and he charged in to “voice his displeasure”. Barton and I moved to flank. We got a cultist escaping the carnage in the small house, and subdued him, tying him up. We then poured arrows through the window into Chazz’s opponents. Between us all, we took the cultists and mercenaries out with little difficulty.
Ambush at the Mill
The Governor and Escobert could see the cultists setting fire to the mill. Afraid they wouldn’t be able to mill food from the harvest, they asked us to intervene. (their guards must be shit.) Although nicked up and wounded, we set out to save the mill. Upon our arrival, we killed one their leaders, but it was easy to see they were not really looking to set fire to the mill, only to make it appear that way. Chazz rushed into the mill to stamp out a fire inside, triggering an ambush by the cultists. As far as we could tell, they tried to lure us into a fight. Shouting, “I’m not locked in here with you; you’re locked in here with ME!”, he charged up the loft steps to attack the cultist archers. Barton and I “culled the herd” of ambushers from the mill floor. A tough fight ensued, but with a crazy half-orc, it’s like bringing a gun to a knife-fight. True to our word, we killed all the cultists in the mill.
Beaten and tired after a week’s worth of fighting completed in a day, we headed back to the keep and some much needed rest.
After all the recent celebrities committing suicide in the last few months, I’ve been thinking of my personal battles with depression and anxiety. I never suffered from depression growing up. An introvert? Definitely, but my bouts of depression and anxiety only occurred in the last few years. I consider myself lucky as I’ve never been diagnosed with anything worse than moderate clinical depression. Personally I categorize my episodes as “melancholy”, a persistent sense of sadness or mourning without an obvious reason. But knowing what that feels like makes me empathize who suffer from severe depression or anxiety. To imagine what depths of despair severe depression sufferers must sink to consider death a preferable alternative frightens me to remain vigilant against this problem. I’ve developed a few “home” remedies to help keep my head above water. These do not replace known solutions (therapy, medication, etc.) but for me form a daily routine to keep my personal melancholy “demons” at bay. If you find yourself with your own set of devils on your shoulder, maybe something here will work for you.