It has been a while since I have posted anything on this personal blog. Along with countless millions, I have been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, and my energy has been focused intently on my business and the health and safety of my family and co-workers. But as I settle back into a routine, I felt the tug to put something out here. While this blog doesn’t receive a lot of traffic, that’s never been a goal of mine. Sure, I love it when people read something I’ve written, but I’m not motivated enough to focus any attention there. Besides, I feel like blogging is a dying form of social media. But try as I might, I can’t find another platform that works for me, so here I am.
As usual, I’m struggling on how to make myself more communicative, especially in this current environment where it seems everyone is yelling about something. Instagram is OK, but the focus is on the image. That’s as it should be; a picture is worth a thousand words. But lost in those images are the words to provide the narrative.
I think I’m going to try something new. In the past I have tried to journal, chronicling my thoughts and feelings about current events and the world around me. But me being me, I’ve always tried to develop a structure and a point. When it all became too difficult, I became too critical, questioned my motives and abandoned the effort. While I’ve never believed there is anything particularly inspirational or thought-provoking in my journal entries, I hoped I could find a way to change my meandering thoughts into something readable. But now I wonder if it really matters. Maybe my focus is wrong, and my desire to control is the reason I keep failing. Perhaps what I need is to just let the stream-of-consciousness flow, allowing it to pull me through the current to the ebbs and flow of my brain, no matter where it leads. The emphasis is merely to put my ideas down on the page; whether it is one word or a thousand is irrelevant. Writing in the morning, evening, every day or not; it doesn’t matter. Just write. Put ink on the paper, whenever and wherever the mood strikes me. Write until I find my voice, or discover I never really had one to begin with.
Moving forward, I want to discover the unspoken ideas inside my head. Communicate in the format that appeals to me (journal), and see if a seed takes hold that I can share with others. It could be a blog post, an email, or just a thoughtful comment to a friend. It is OK to be obvious, as even obvious words have meaning to some if the timing is appropriate. It is too much work for me to be original. I need to break through the guarded person I’ve become and try to be the person I aim to be, but that my inner critic invariably suffocates.
Be wise, be foolish, be original, be a copy-cat. None of it truly matters; my truth, whatever that may be, is the ink on the page. The results are the effort, not the output. Drive back the cynic in ny soul. Take a risk; be a fool. Just do it (apologies to Nike, but I DID say I would be a copy-cat!)